The last post of the year!!!

There is a poem that I first read when I was in college and fell in love with..I cud relate to some of the lines in it but not all though I knew it was true thru and thru.There was a time when reading some of my favourite poems cud soothe me and bring back a sense of calm.Today as I was trying to put into words what I learnt in the last one year, for some reason I remembered that poem and when I read it again,it was exactly what I had learnt in the past year.

I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.


I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.


I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones withloving words.
It may be the last time you see them.


I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.


I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.


I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.


I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.


I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.


I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.


I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned
that heroes are the people who do
what has to be done
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.


I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.


I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.


I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.


I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.


I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.


I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.


I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.


I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe

That’s what I have learnt. All through this roller coaster of a year.I don’t know if I wud have changed anything I said or did thru the year.In fact even if I knew ,I don’t know how I wud have changed it

There is something magical abt the beginning of a new year.Overnight ur yesterday seems far away,a year behind.Overnight memories seem rosier and the bitter parts soften to just being rough bumps on a generally happy road.Just when I thought am too old for the fizz and pop of a New year’s beginning,past the age of earnestly thinking up resolutions which 9 on 10 are never followed thru, I get caught up and find myself writing this post.So here’s a postie toast to the fast vanishing 2008 and 2009 looming ahead.

A friend asked me to describe 2008 and he was more amused than me when I said the first thing that popped into my mind.Hurricane.Call it the influence of too many natural catastrophes in US.But the only other word I cud come up with was Earthquake.Coming back to my hurricane ,I guess I have been buffeted abt relentlessly through ups and downs thru this year.Just when I thot that I was in the clear,I wud be pulled back into storm,tossed from one side to another,battered and bruised and then thrown to one side.I normally am a pretty balanced cheerful soul who rarely got Monday blues or any other blues for that matter,but this year saw a record number of mood swings with one very confused frustrated soul who spent more time growling like a bear with a sore head than I can ever remember.Really.More often than not ,I went from being “I-am-capable” to “I-cant-handle-this”.It was suffocating at times and frustrating at others.From being a happy-go-lucky soul,I swung dangerously close to becoming a control freak.I kept watching for things to go wrong.From being a die hard optimist,I found myself trapped several times in the narrow outlook of a pessimist.My belief in people took a beating.More so my belief in me.Its been a tuf year.But I like to think of it as God’s way of tempering me.
I don’t mean to say that the year has been a bad one.There have been beautiful moments,funny ones and weird ones.After years of believing that I wudnt find a man who cud tolerate me enuf to live with me and that I wudnt tolerate anything less,I married Anup who has managed to survive almost a year with me (20 days to our first anniversary)and doesn’t look like is gonna give up any time soon.My little bro graduated,got the 4th rank in the University(I hate being a nag,Bunny,but really,I wudnt have minded if u had got that Gold medal.In fact I wud have settled for the silver one too.Well…atleast piggyhoolear didn’t get it though that really is no consolation,mind u) and is working in a God forsaken place far away from home.Really!!!Surat is really too far away from home.When someone delicately pointed out that am in US of A which is technically half way across the globe from home,I snapped at him “That’s not the point.He is too small (just over 6 feet) to stay so far from home.” I fell in love with half a dozen crafts and spent the better part of the year wishing for Santa to bring me 6 pairs of hands so that I cud spend time on my “crafty”.I fell in love with cooking .Really,mama,stop laughing.I shall confess that I totally love cooking and trying out new dishes,especially now that I have my personal guinea pig.(yeah.I mean the DH.Who else?)I became friends with a lovely girl across the globe and really Revs,Mujhe tujhme rab dikhta hai.(Don’t forget ki tune Mamta Kulkarni ki kasam khai hai.Chuckle!).I saw my first snow and experienced my first earthquake.For the first time in my life I gained some weight that has stuck with me.And for the first time in my life I have consciously tried to eat healthy.I have learned that 8 hrs at work is more than enuf and that the boss wont have a heart attack if I say no.That even if he does,it doesn’t matter cos working more than 8 hrs at the pace I do wud be enuf to give me a heart attack and kill me by the time I reach my boss’s age.I have managed to have painted toenails all thru the year.:-) And I also figured out a way to sit in a certain way so that I can see them when I paint them and don’t topple over.Owing to the dry dry dry climate ,I have spent more time this year looking after myself than I have all my life.

Its not been good all thru.I saw sides of people I wud rather not have, been blamed for things Idid not do,been judged by people who barely know me,been stretched beyond my limits ,made some really tuf choices and in general had a lot of mud slung on me.I have stumbled,fallen,crawled and staggered this entire year.I have been shocked,outraged,hurt and struggled with myself.I have learnt that I cannot brush off some people simply cos I want to.There were times when I lost my sense of humour for days together…I learnt a lot of things which in hindsight seem to have brought more definite sense of what or who I am.The good part of all that is that I have not broken. But the credit for that goes to people I love most in my life .
But now,am ready to move on.I wont be leaving all that happened in the last one year behind.I will be carrying some of it with me.Some of the things that I learnt…Some of the things that I realized….
This New year brings with it a lot more changes .We will be going back to India.I don’t pray that life be peaceful. I just pray that I keep a firm hold on my sense of humour. And as for my resolutions,I want to keep up with my crafting and make sure that I don’t spend more than 8 hrs at work…Like one lady said “I go to office so that I don’t have to spend all my time staring at the 4 walls of my house.I work cos I love dressing in nice clothes and meeting people and talking to them.I do what I can in those 8 hrs.If someone says something abt that being less,well,I cant help it”. I want to keep it all simple the way I did before…Not let anyone or anything clutter my life.I need to focus on what is important to me and do what feels right to me irrespective of what anyone thinks. I don’t need everyone to like me and if someone doesn’t that does not make me a bad person.I shud not let someone’s opinion of me matter so much that it clouds my perspective.I believe that at heart I am a decent human being.I don’t know if I am a good daughter,sister or wife.But I know that I have tried my best and that will suffice for me.And if nothing else,I know I have made my loved ones happy thru one small deed or the other.And that is enuf to keep me going.That and that alone is my talisman for the new year.