Thursday, January 22, 2009

Broken toys

As children bring their broken toys, with tears, for me to mendI brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone I hung around and tried to help . . . with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, "How can You be so slow?""My child," He said. "What could I do? You never did let go."

Beautiful,isnt it?
I have a lot of broken toys right now...A dear dear friend in the hospital after an accident...a lovely lady mad at me....a dream which threatens to vanishwith a puff....and a tired spirit...I dont know how to fix them all ..But am tired...and I cant fix things anymore....I just want to sleep...Maybe I shud just let go.Like an old lady said "When you feel you cant go on anymore,you just let go and let the angel carry your troubles awhile.It will be ok".

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A silver thread in a black cloud

Yday morning ,my mind already far ahead in office listing out the things I had to finish,I finished plaiting my hair and swung the plait to my back when suddenly a suspicious glint caught my eye.I pulled the plait to the front again and examined it with suspicious eyes…and there,right below my nose…it was…that silver hair nestled in midst of all that black.Sigh.My first instinct was to untie the plait,pluck the glinting strand off and do up my hair again but honestly if I was serious abt getting to office anytime before lunch I had to get a move on.
I am getting old.I mean there was a time when I wud surreptiously pluck out that single white strand which insisted on growing right at the top of my head,standing straight up and waving abt like a lone daisy in a field.Yeah!Some daisy.My first grey hair turned up at that same spot abt 2 yrs ago when I had just reached US and my mom promptly decided to go in for surgery,ended up in ICU and scared the living daylights out of me.I was 25 then.Only 25 and a grey hair right at the top of my head!!! telling u,its those naughty parents of mine.They like to give me a missed call at odd hrs once in a while just to have me hopping around in panic.Sometimes I think its their way of getting back at me cos I left them to go to the US.Though I dont see what they have to complain considering I fled the country to escape marriage and then fell in love and ultimately did get married.My parents keep telling me that am responsible for the several grey strands in their respective once black heads.But I bet I didn’t give them any until they were well past 35.That is a good age to start looking dignified.
I still remember the panic I felt when I found it sticking up there and carefully plucked it out.And then some days later it turned up there again…I must have plucked it out 2-3 times in the past 2 years.But this latest silver thread in the black cloud turned up in a new spot.And I’ll admit am fighting a losing battle.I’m resigned to possibility if having my 5 year old(if and when I have one) refuse to call me Mama and insist on calling me Grammy.Great…Well.As long as Anup doesn’t call me Anu Aunty when I reach India

Monday, January 19, 2009

Am not pregnant but....

Oooooooh!!!I have a secret…and am dying to tell u folks abt it..In fact am dying to scream it aloud from the tallest rooftop I can find or a tree if I can climb it without stopping every five minutes to clap my hands…but I cant cos I have sworn that I will keep it a secret for another 3 days…Oh dear dear dear lord..How am I gonna keep it inside without it leaking out….Now don’t get me wrong…am not one of those females who cant keep a secret even to save their lives…In fact am pretty good at keeping secrets but this one is such a happy one that I simply cant contain myself…I feel like I have drunk a bottle of bubble bath liquid and the bubbles keep threatening to come out of my nose and ears and mouth and am having a tuf time keeping it all in…..oooooooooh….am soooooo happy,ppl..but I just cant tell…am sworn to silence for the next 3 days…oh dear dear dear lord…I cud dance for joy…have been sitting for the last one hr grinning at the screen until my cheeks have started aching…and when I walk,I keep finding myself hopping and skipping for joy in spite of the poor knees..and when I went to the restroom and looked at the mirror…..ooooh….I cudnt help but grin at myself and clap my hands to let out some of the happiness that threatened to make me burst..and um…and then in walked the director of the client company..and um…there was an awkward silence…while she stood staring in the mirror at the reflection of a girl who was frozen in mid grin with hands clasped under her chin …um….but even that cudnt quench the bubbles…but then am babbling…But seriously ,ladies and gentlemen…lets break out the champagne and dance with abandon cos am the happiest woman on earth…..If u happen to see a squirrel staggering abt with a champagne bottle,trying to do a jig, do stop to say helloooo,Anu….Oh I wish I cud tell u…ok…just 3 days and then I shall spill the beanies…I promise…
Next bean on the list,its my first wedding anniversary…um…Anup’s too…he he..and we both are celebrating it in solitude sitting on opposite sides of the globe.I know…U can congratulate me and extend ur heartfelt condolences…And though I keep telling everyone that there will be more anniversaries,I must confess that the first one is rather special and comes just once in a lifetime..and am missing out on one of the once in a lifetime events…but really am so happy that it really doesn’t matter…Though I wish Anup was happier....But considering that we wont be together for the valentines day and our birthdays as well,its no wonder he isnt too happy…sigh..But that’s ok…the squirrel is still doing a tap dance and belting out “If u’r happy and u know it clap ur hands, if u’r happy and u know it and u really want to show it,if u’r happy and u know it clap ur hands…clap clap clap”.

Its strange how u want something very badly and then when suddenly u are faced with the probability that u may not get it but a loved one may,u wud rather that ur loved one got it than u may have to read that twice.But really,it never ceases to amaze me how much more happier I am when someone I love gets that very thing which I wanted so badly… I wudnt be half as happy if I had got it myself…chuckle…crazy thing but I guess its one of life’s greatest blessings…Am blessed to have parents,a bro and a DH I wud give up the world for.Love u,ppl..U are the bestestest of the bunch.

Got lots of got to go..and before I go,I have a feeling I ought to explain the title…Its just that every time a married woman says she has a secret or she is extremely happy or every time she is sick ,ppl jump to the conclusion that she is pregnant.And I most certainly am not.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Of runaway husbands,desolate squirrels and British accents

In order to forget that that tall looming figure I had got used to
seeing lurking
around the house,who turned out to be
reassuring when I had doubts abt my creations or
the better
of my crazy ideas and more so put up with me,ragged me,
teased me and drove
me up the wall at times has really finally
left me.He has finally run away from me and
fled the country...
swearing never to step foot on this land again..
Ok.So thats an
exaggeration.He has gone back to India cos
his visa expired and I will be joining him
sometime soon...which is God knows when...which is ..sigh...
I dont
know what...However,he will be waiting for me in India
like Romeo waited for I dont think he will
be hanging around like Romeo
did...Really..I mean Romeo
honestly was quite jobless if u think abt it except to sing

ballads and serenade and kind of swagger around below
Juliet's balconey beating his
chest.Really...What woman
wants a man who wanders abt beating his
chest????.... sure Juliet wud have rather had him do
something worthwhile
even as he loved her...u know what
I mean?But then am digressing from the topic and
making Shakey spin in his grave..So lets leave that and
come back to my life.
(Yeah..I know..But this happens to be
my blog and if I want to write abt my life I
very much shall
including the minutest details of how I ...err...scratch my
if u dont want to read me,u dont
know what u will be missing.Poor

Anyway coming back to sending DH off,well,I managed
not to make an idiot of
myself;read I did not cry before
or after his going,smiled rather bravely and sounded

quite normal...Now all I have to do is put up with another
day of every single soul
asking me "Anup left?" when
they very well know he did,that he wud not have missed an

international flight to stay with me,that even if he wud have
he cudnt cos his visa
had expired.But since all those
souls mean it kindly and really are showing their

concern for my sudden single status,it wud be mean of me
to snap at them and say
"Nah,he is sitting right behind u".
Dontcha think?

Its really not as bad as I thot it wud long as
I dont dwell on it..Its
just the first 4 days..U know.All I have
to do is to keep it all in,not think and keep
distracting my thots
which honestly is quite irritating..I mean its like u are talking

to urself abt something and then u interrupt urself...if that made
any sense.I havent been
able to do any crafting cos ..well..cos
my heart is just not in it..and u really cant
put ur focus into ur
fingers if ,u know,u are subconsciously waiting for someone to

walk in the door.I keep finding myself thinking he will walk in
any minute and that I
havent got dinner heated up...So I read
a book...and I was fine except that when I put
down the book,
I was back to figuring out some new dinner recipe with the
ingredients on hand
,quite forgetting that my guinea pig is
no longer here..and really,its no fun cooking
new stuff if u
dont have anyone to eat it up ..other than ur self...Well,I'll admit

it,shall I? Am walking around like a desolate squirrel that lost
its winter store of

Today morning I happened to be standing on the road gabbing
away with a friend in
Tamil when an old gentleman passed us,
stopped,turned round and asked me "What language

are u speaking?".I replied without thinking "Thamizh"...
He said "What?"..and I
provided the anglicized version."Tamil".
A wrinkled brow prompted me to try "T-A-M-I-
L.Its an Indian
language".And then he got it."Taumil?".and asked "But its not
the only
language in India,is it?" And I replied negative.
"How many languages do u have in
India?"came the next
question.Honestly,dude,I wudnt know the answer in normal

circumstances but to ask me,a desolate squirrel at that,is
next to trying to make
ice cream in an oven at 425 degrees.
Hopeless.The man must have sensed something of my

feelings cos he asked "South Africa has 294 languages.
Do u have that many?".He really
was a nice old man and
so I again replied negative.And then he continued "But you

Indians speak such beautiful British English,not like ours...
U have such a beautiful
British accent."and finished with
an eloquent gesture.
At this point all readers are asked
to picture a squirrel gaping at an old man and
saying "I do?"
And the old man tells the squirrel "Yes,u do have a beautiful
british accent."
Now the squirrel says"Well,I didnt realise
that I had a British accent" and considers
telling the old
man that it maybe cos India was once under the British Rule
and that
must be where the accent came from but then even
a desolate squirrel with lost nuts
must have some remnant
of brain function left,cos I didnt say anything.Mostly cos I

really cudnt think up a plausible explanation as to why I had
a British accent even
though the British left before my mom
was born...Really...Unless I came up with
something quite
creative like the lil guy in Slumdog Millionaire did..
That Shah Jahan built Taj Mahal
in the memory of his wife
Mumtaz who died in a car accident.