Monday, August 25, 2008

A verbose account of my aches and groans.

I don’t know if the nature of my job is a bane or a blessing. Last week I worked like crazy to finish what was a mountain of work only to find that someone else had been working hard to build the mountain back up..Huh!!!And come this week, I have been sitting around for the past hour and a half and no one wants any work done. Can u imagine the frustration? They never let me get used to working too hard and they never let me get used to sitting simply…I bet by tomorrow they wud have assembled the mountain again.
Anyway with all the work I had to do last week, I was real glad that the weekend came and all the work scheduled for the weekend had been mercifully cancelled.Sigh!!!So finally I had a whole weekend free to do anything. But then on Friday night ,having finished the last piece of work I had on hand, I stretched my slightly stiff neck and……ended up with a sprain.Yes,I managed to sprain my neck very badly and it hurt like crazy. Anyway I sat down and waited for the hubby to be back from his boy’s night out. And then once the man was back I went of to sleep hoping that the sprain wud go away by morning. Little did I know the aches and groans awaiting me.

Come morning I had a real stiff neck and the only way to ease the pain was to sit with my back and head leaning against a wall. The hubby rubbed the poor neck with some pain balm and that eased it up a bit…By Saturday night the pain had become bearable and I hoped to have a nice enjoyable Sunday. That was before I woke up with a migraine.Yeah!!!A classic case of a full blown migraine which made me wish I cud conk myself on the head and become unconscious. The entire morning and the better part of the afternoon was spent on the couch trying not to move. If I stayed still for 20 min then the pain wud slow down to an occasional twinge. The moment I shifted a bit or focused on something, it wud start pounding with a vengeance.Sigh!!!I cud not shift my eyes from one object to another suddenly. I had to do a kind of slow wandering act with my eyes and sort of let my vision move slowly from one object to another. The trouble with this is that I kept forgetting to do it.
My prospects of the nice relaxing weekend were flushed far down the drain. And all I wanted was to get rid of the damn migraine which when it hit invariably stuck to me like a leech for 2-3 days.U cannot imagine how frustrating it is to fall asleep with a migraine and wake up and the first thing u are aware of is a sickening pounding in ur head.U wish u had never opened ur eyes. So I popped in a tablet and waited for a couple of hrs.No good.So I popped another one.That did the trick. The migraine slowed down to a throb but it still throbbed. The last thing I wanted was to go to office on a Monday morning with a migraine.Wud send me over the edge. So in went another 2 tabs, not in quick succession though. But I had enuf of the pain and the nausea. How long can u sit in a place without doing a thing? So I pulled out my beads and then did a bit of crochet. By then my ache had disappeared except for an occasional twinge. I still cud not bend down cos that wud make my head start pounding again.Sigh.!!!Anyway to keep my mind off the ruined weekend I baked a cake.Yeah!!I know. I must have been bonkers but the cake did come out well and the hubby loves cakes. He was miserable cos I was miserable and cud not talk much.I simply lay around like an old hag blinking slowly at him. Quite depressing I shud imagine.
So that was the weekend. No household chores done, no outings,nothing.One miserable woman and her helpless hubby. I guess it was the effect of working too hard for the last 2 weeks. Anyway ,here I am at office on Monday morning,tired,with no work pending for a change and enjoying it, and as much as I want to talk to people I really cant cos if I say more than two sentences, there is a pounding which starts up in my head. And if am not careful its gonna become a full blown migraine.
To be honest, this is is a rather depressing post but honestly what more can u expect with an aching neck and a throbbing head?

Monday, August 18, 2008

At my unreasonable best!

I have a reputation (so I imagine) around here for being a very reasonable wife who does not call her husband every five minutes when he is out with the boys, does not crib at him and more or less lets him live his life in peace. But being reasonable comes at the price of ignoring a few things that all men do without fail and are so much part of male characteristics, like how they never can eat anything without dribbling it on their clothes, can’t eat with their mouths shut, just need an idiot box showing a ball and a minimum of 2 ppl running after it to keep them entertained, snore so loudly that u get used to daily dreams of thunderstorms and basically are rather funny creatures who really don’t have a clue.
I married an extremely patient man, who loves me to bits and does every damn thing in his power to keep a madcap like me happy. And I still have not figured out what keeps him in love with me.For a man who is the nice quiet type (atleast that’s the picture he presents to the world. Snort!!!) he has a married life which is anything but quiet considering he has a wife who talks non stop to him, the coffee jar, the cooker, the mixer, her spoons and her beads. So much so that when am quiet, the man suspects am upto no good.Huh!!Can u imagine!? Poor me. What’s the point of me putting up my paws daily and praying “Please God, help me be quiet and sane”?
Since they say that a fight or two helps in keeping a marriage spicy, I decided it was upto me to try and induce a fight in our normally peaceful life.(Please don’t listen to that neighbour making disbelieving noises. He is just jealous of my new doormat.) No offense meant to anyone but this was how I ranted at the hubby for making some unlucky comment abt cooking more often. To give him his due, the man never said that I always had to cook. All he said was that we shud try and cook more often but it was the perfect chance for the unreasonable lady to come out flapping which actually is pretty rare cos I married a man who simply wont fight.
Sigh!!!Anyway ,after a whole day of wandering abt with an injured air, we finally got round to the having-an-adult-conversation part

Me:“Oh yeah…I am mad at you.”
Hubby: “Why?”
Me: “Cos u said nasty things to me”
Hubby: “Like?”
Me: (defiantly, after a pause) “Well, I don’t remember exactly what”.

And the hubby laughs…Huh!!!Can u imagine the cheek? Am telling him am mad at him and the man laughs himself silly. And then he says that am talking like the woman in Friends series.

She: “Oh, am mad at u”
He: “Why?”
She: “Well, I don’t remember but I do remember am mad at you”
He: “Huh?”
She:”Wait!!I remember now. You said am boring!!!”
He: “I said what!!!!”
She: “Yes!!! You did. You said am boring and then u took off ur mask and u became Cameron Diaz”
He :( Speechless)…
She: “Ok. So there is a chance that this was in a dream.”

And the hubby laughs again.Now I tell u I was not mad cos of any dream. I knew I was mad at him .If only I cud remember what he said. I know he made some unlucky remark which really was not as bad as I made it out to be but at the time it seemed pretty unfair. Some household stuff. Anyway I was not abt to let him off the hook and decided to give him something to think abt.

Me: “Huh!!You think that’s funny, do u? Well, I’ll tell u how annoying it is. I make the bed and ten minutes later u lie down. I make it again and exactly ten minutes later u lie down again. And u never make the bed.”
Hubby: “Ok.What else?”
Me: “I clean the kitchen. You make the next meal and then the kitchen looks like a cyclone hit it. You never clean. For u, all that matters is food. Not a clean house. I clean it up and u mess it up and when ppl come they probably think the house is a mess cos I don’t clean it. And cos am so tired, I cook something quick and ppl think u don’t get fed at all. It’s always my fault.Men!!!Huh! You are all the same. All u want to do is to eat!”
Hubby: “OK, then?”
Me :( paused) “Well, there is lots more but I can’t remember”
Me: ”Huh!! Well, u never do the laundry until I tell u.When I fold the clothes up,u pull out one shirt and mess up the entire shelf. Why can’t u take it out neatly without messing up the entire cupboard?”
Hubby: “Ok.What else?”
Me :( paused) “Well, there is lots more but I can’t remember” (uh-oh...This is tougher than I thought)
Hubby waits patiently.

Me: “Well, that’s all I can remember right now. Anyway that’s not the point. The point is that u men are all the same. None of u help out when we need the help and then u help out when we don’t need the help (huh?). And then u blame us for everything. When I was single I wud clean the house and then if I was too tired to cook, I wud eat a stick of carrot and drink a glass of milk and call it dinner. But u men invariably want a proper cooked dinner and we have to cook it for ur sake irrespective of how tired we are. Why cant u drink milk and eat a carrot? It’s healthy too. Had it been a woman in ur place she wud have cheerfully settled for a carrot. But not u stupid men….U all are the same. No wonder today no woman wants to marry a man. No wonder more and more women are becoming lesbians. Men are driving women into becoming lesbians cos they don’t help in keeping the house clean and still want cooked food…..Huh!”

I was just getting properly worked up and into top gear but then the hubby is rolling with laughter .And then he says “Bebu,u really must put that in ur blog” and hoots with laughter.
Ahem! Not exactly what I expected. Sigh! Next time I think I’ll stick to being reasonable. It’s a lot easier.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

To the man and woman ....

...who are celebrating their wedding anniversary today,brought me into the world,put up with each other,put up with me and the dog(my bro was always the angel.Needed no putting up with),from whom I learnt ....

....That at times u can positively hate the person who really is ur best friend.They'll sew their mouths up before they admit it.

....That there is something good in every person.Again,they'll sew their mouths up before they admit it of each other.

....That at times killing ur spouse may seem like a good idea but u really must not.Am sure they must have wanted to do the deed more times than they have cared to admit but thankfully,they have not.

....That u can get so frustrated at a man that u want to smash his head in.Now I know why my mom banged away at the kitchen sink.

....That women can be endearingly childish and maddeningly so.My dad's throbbing temple while he tried to talk on the fone while my mom kept asking questions beside him.

....That at times what is obvious to you may not be obvious to ur spouse.Dad says "there,woman ,there" and mom goofily asks 'Where,Where?" .Mom says "there ,man,there" and Dad goofily asks "Where ,where?".You get the point?

....That at times ur spouse may goof up but u also can goof up an equal number of times.Dad breaks a glass and mom messes up his carefully organised cabinet looking for change and they both mutter "does it on purpose.I know" when the other one is not around while the kids wonder why they are so unchangingly silly when it comes to one another.

....That men invariably never can figure out how to select the undamaged perfect veggie.My dad has been doing it for more years than he cares to remember and invariably my mom says "Ur dad has brought me veggies that were plucked the day after Gandhi died".Dad always blames the shopkeeper who invariably wud have said "lovely lady's finger,sir".

....That women invariably decide to bathe and step into the bathroom exactly half a minute after the man manages to find his towel and underwear.The innumerable times my dad stood outside the bathroom door with suppressed frustration when my mom had beat him to the bathroom just a minute before.My mom always asks why on earth he can't bathe in one of the other bathrooms in the house.

....That the dog is "ours" until she poops and then she becomes - "Your dog".But if the kids are around then its "the kid's" dog.

....That the kids are "ur" kids when they get bad marks,make a sad joke,lose something and basically mess up and "my" kids when they get good marks,someone says something good abt them or they do something smart.The fact that u may have inherited ur father's bulging nose and ur mom's popping eyes is irrelevant to them.Note:My father has a perfectly straight nice nose and my mom has nice bright un-popping eyes ,both of which I have not inherited.

....That u stick up for ur spouse no matter what.The number of times they have done it.

Happy Anniversary,Pops and Mama....Wish I was home...