Saturday, June 13, 2009

An angel in disguise !!!

For some reason I remembered and looked up this quote today.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

As I read this quote today,I stood swallowing a lump that had formed in my throat and blinked back the sudden moistness in my eyes.Remembered what the DH had said abt me being worried abt my teammates all the time in the last 2 months.And admitted to myself that I had been playing small.Just so that there wont be trouble.But it doesnt help.It really doesnt.Its time I stopped being small so that others dont feel insecure.If someone does that their problem ,not mine.Its strange how a kind gesture from someone can ease you up and take out the knots in which you seem to have tied yourself up.But then coming back to what brought it all out.

I stood staring at the envelope.Felt its thickness,looked at the neatly handprinted address which confirmed that it hadnt accidentally landed in my mailbox like my neighbour's hollywood tickets had once landed.I had looked up the apartment and returned them and the lady was so happy that she almost cried

I had walked down to check the mailbox.I opened it and insided was the usual jumble of advertisement leaflets from the nearest supermarkets.I pulled them out,shook them to make sure no important mails were hidden in their folds and threw them away.Was about to pull out the next lot of leaflets,when beneath a plain white envelope,a pink envelope lay quietly.Am worse than any kid where colored paper is concerned.If u ever decided to kidnap me,the best way to lure me to u wud be to tie a scrap of pretty paper on a thread and dangle it in front of me...I decided before I pulled out the envelope that if it had a proper name on it,then I wud let it be but if it turned out to be an advertising gimmick then am gonna use it for some craft.

Of all the things I expected to be written on the envelope,the last thing was my own name.It wasnt my birthday.And I stood staring at the handwritten address.I mean I dont remember the last time I got any mail with my address handwritten on it.I thot of Anup,and dismissed the idea as soon as it came.There was no way the DH cud have managed to write the address that neatly.Not a chance.Why would anyone send me a card?And on top of it who wud?Hastily dismissing the bitter thoughts that seem to be my constant companions these last few days,I tried to focus on the envelope.I tore open the envelope and then noticed the sender's address on the back of the envelope which said "Me".I didnt pay attention to the rest of the address cos I was so shocked to find a card and even more,a neat handwritten letter inside the envelope.I dropped the rest of my mail in confusion and mumbled thanks to the guy who kindly picked them up for me,slammed shut the mail box,and walked back to my apartment,the curiosity killing me.I opened the door,dropped my groceries,and sat down on my bed,pulled out the card,my creative side automatically noting the layout of the card,the script and the color combo.

And read the words on the front of the card in sheer disbelief.With the words swimming in front of my eyes,I opened the card.I have received several cards in my life so far,but none of them had ever expressed so cleanly,with such simplicity the friendship I share with a girl I havnt ever met.R.What can I say???Am dumbstruck,choked up and speechless and right now u can knock me down with a feather.As I read the card a second time,I laughed.I shud have guessed.The message on the card was so simply put and yet so beautifully expressed.Much like the mails I get from her.Feeling like a kid,I fumbled thru the pages of the letter and sat down to read.....chuckle....Her handwritten letters are no different from her mails...Crackling,words tumbling over themselves and so complete.Reading her mails always gave me a sense of satisfaction.

What can I say except that am grateful.And as I put down the letter after reading it thru for a second time,I thot gratefully of the day when a certain guy mailed me and though am not in touch with him,he introduced me to someone he described as a "a fine girl" and who according to me is a fantastic girl and an angel in disguise.You rock,woman!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Dear Bloggy

...Ages since I talked to u...or rather scribbled on u...But have been busy,u know.Been fighting a bloodless battle so that I can get back home..And all foes are slain or banished and I wear my battle scars with pride...By now ppl are so puzzled by my insistence that I wanna go back to India when they are giving me u-can-live-in-US-and-work-ur-fingers-to-the-bone chance,that I have stopped trying to explain why inspite of loving USA,I still love India a lil bit more...So these days when someone asks me "But why are u going back?" I reply "Oh,I just have this incredible craving for a bajji,u see".

Inspite of all the grumbling I do on a regular basis,I love my job and love being here.I do.I really really do...Though there are days and things that make me wanna pull out my hair,scream loudly,bare my teeth at the boss and screech in his ear.This is very tempting considering he sits right next to me and is one of my favorite fantasies when he insists on driving me up the wall.Imagining him fall off his chair in fright is even better and is a great stress buster.But then the one thing that really gets on my nerves and makes me extremely crabby is that oncall mobile fone.

The oncall support mobile fone is a black colored cellfone which the boss presented to us and is the one thing that really brings out the team spirit amongst the members of my team.Yes..all of us hate that fone with equal passion.I can literally feel my heart sink right down to the region of my knees when I hear it ring and am sure S and P hate it no less than I do.And at some point or the other all of us have contemplated the idea of throwing it as far as we can without dislocating an arm.But none of us has worked up the guts to do it.This phone has been given to us so that those miserable souls who insist on working the weekends and have no life whatsoever can contact us when they are in the mood to make our lives miserable.It is also for those blessed ppl, sitting on the other side of the globe,to contact us at an hr which wud be just noon for them but unfortunately for us is the dead of the night.

When its my turn to carry the oncall mob,am invariably woken up early on Saturday mornings.People just dont understand that Saturday mornings are sacred..Sometimes the calls are from ppl who need to get some work done and are rather apologetic abt it when they hear my sleepy tone.And maybe cos they are apologetic I rarely feel inclined to be cross with them.But then there are those unapologetic sadists who insist on calling people up at an unearthly hour on a saturday morning and are careless enuf to dial a number which is anything but the right number and to top it all,is my oncall phone number..Owing to the number of callers who insist on speaking spanish and cannot understand the simple words "wrong number",am somtimes left with no choice but to hang up on them. I have had a guy ring me up 3 times continuously to find out that he had the wrong number.The third time I hung up on him and the fourth time I didnt answer the call.Then we get calls from a number which plays an automated message telling us that our auto insurance is expiring and that we are to press 2 if we dont want to be called again.Am telling u I have tried pressing all the numbers from 1 to 9 and we still get calls from them.
But my favorite wud have to be the lady who woke me up at 6 in the morning and said "Lola?"
Now am rather used to lotsa ppl telling me "Hola" and even if I havnt picked up a lot of spanish I do know that Hola means Hello.So I assumed that she must have said "Hola" and politely said "Excuse me?".I was trying to make her realise that I needed her to speak English.She repeated "Lola" and even though I heard it as Lola,I thot she must be saying Hola...and repeated "Excuse me" a bit more loudly.But when she said "Lola/Hola" for the third time,I lost it.And crossly demanded "Do you speak English?"
Pat came the reply "Yes,I do"
Though I was taken aback for a second,I took a deep breath and said "Ok.Tell me".
And she asked "Can I speak to Lola?"
"No.You cant.But u can talk to Laloo.Just wait a minute while I get him out of the loo".
Ok...I didnt tell her that.So dont faint,mama.

to be continued!!!