My dear abandoned blog

My poor abandoned blog!!!You are not abandoned exactly. And its not that I don’t have anything to write about. Its just that I don’t have any happy or funny things to write abt.Or maybe its that I do have but am not able to dwell on them long enuf…So u may ask me why I don’t write whatever is on my mind instead of trying to figure out something cheerful…Because what I have on my mind is tuf to write. Its one of those tuf times in life when I wish I cud run back home and hide under the bed and not have to see the sadness and the badness in the world.Its one of those times when I long to back in my homeland and really believe with all my heart that I will be able to handle it better if am back there. But am I deceiving myself? Maybe.Misery and sadness is the same everywhere and does not depend on the climate, does it?Or on geography either….
Do you want to know what bothers me so? Where shall I begin? Shall I begin with the people who have been losing their jobs here left and right? So far no one I personally know has lost their job and so I managed not to think abt it cos it was so sad. Each time the thought popped into my mind that many a Christmas stocking this year will remain empty and many will be the houses that wont have the Christmas lights hung out…It brings back memories of last year’s Christmas which I loved so much in this country.We rode around just so that I cud look at the lights and oooh-aah to my heart’s content.Let me tell u that to a certain extent I managed to avoid thinking abt those poor folks..But when a dear friend today seemed depressed,I asked him why and in turn he replied that he was saddened seeing his friends who lost their jobs and also mentioned the fact that his job may also be in danger.It broke my heart.and I had nothing to comfort him with.

What can I tell you abt the poor homeless man whom I saw almost every day for the past 18 months on my way to office? Can I describe how he had been sitting there for 20 years,depenedent on the neighboring shops and homes for food ?Can I even begin to describe the horror I felt when one day I heard the news that the poor man who troubled no one had been burnt alive by some heinous character? My heart stops at the thought that someone can walk up to a harmless man and pour inflammable stuff on him and set him alight at 9:45 p.m. and culprit is still walking free.I cannot express my outrage when the sister of the victim came forward in tears asking for help in catching the culprit.What kind of sister lets her brother sit on the roadside for 20 years,neglects him only to come back when he is dead? You can tell me that she may have had her own problems but I find it hard to forgive. My only consolation is that he is definitely in a better place than that roadside.

Should I tell you about the police shooting that happened at the junction outside my apartment yesterday?
Or do u want to hear abt the injustice that happens even after you have worked your butt off which though in retrospect does not bother me any more?Do u want to hear how tired I am of staying cheerful?of ignoring the sad stuff? of feeling outraged and helpless? of wanting to cry for all those people who lost their jobs? of not crying cos it seems absurd to cry for people whom I don’t even know? of wanting to go home cos it seems only the safe place and yet knowing its really no safer than where I am? of worrying that I am making choices that I may regret later? How do I even begin to explain it all..?Where do I start from? How do I explain the heartbreak that is really not mine?

And through all this why does what my friend’s wife told him seem to be the only thing that makes sense? That “ I need to worry about the things I can control and accept those which I can't. God is great and he has something good for us.”
In this big fat whirling mess,call it the world,life,rat race,whatever,my faith in God is the only thing that remains firm.And that is one reason why I don’t relinquish this blog which right now seems as ironic and as ridiculous as a sad clown trying hard to make funny faces for the world to laugh.So all I can do is pray and do my best to keep the people I love happy..and as for the rest,well,God will take care of it all...am feeling better already!!