At my unreasonable best!

I have a reputation (so I imagine) around here for being a very reasonable wife who does not call her husband every five minutes when he is out with the boys, does not crib at him and more or less lets him live his life in peace. But being reasonable comes at the price of ignoring a few things that all men do without fail and are so much part of male characteristics, like how they never can eat anything without dribbling it on their clothes, can’t eat with their mouths shut, just need an idiot box showing a ball and a minimum of 2 ppl running after it to keep them entertained, snore so loudly that u get used to daily dreams of thunderstorms and basically are rather funny creatures who really don’t have a clue.
I married an extremely patient man, who loves me to bits and does every damn thing in his power to keep a madcap like me happy. And I still have not figured out what keeps him in love with me.For a man who is the nice quiet type (atleast that’s the picture he presents to the world. Snort!!!) he has a married life which is anything but quiet considering he has a wife who talks non stop to him, the coffee jar, the cooker, the mixer, her spoons and her beads. So much so that when am quiet, the man suspects am upto no good.Huh!!Can u imagine!? Poor me. What’s the point of me putting up my paws daily and praying “Please God, help me be quiet and sane”?
Since they say that a fight or two helps in keeping a marriage spicy, I decided it was upto me to try and induce a fight in our normally peaceful life.(Please don’t listen to that neighbour making disbelieving noises. He is just jealous of my new doormat.) No offense meant to anyone but this was how I ranted at the hubby for making some unlucky comment abt cooking more often. To give him his due, the man never said that I always had to cook. All he said was that we shud try and cook more often but it was the perfect chance for the unreasonable lady to come out flapping which actually is pretty rare cos I married a man who simply wont fight.
Sigh!!!Anyway ,after a whole day of wandering abt with an injured air, we finally got round to the having-an-adult-conversation part

Me:“Oh yeah…I am mad at you.”
Hubby: “Why?”
Me: “Cos u said nasty things to me”
Hubby: “Like?”
Me: (defiantly, after a pause) “Well, I don’t remember exactly what”.

And the hubby laughs…Huh!!!Can u imagine the cheek? Am telling him am mad at him and the man laughs himself silly. And then he says that am talking like the woman in Friends series.

She: “Oh, am mad at u”
He: “Why?”
She: “Well, I don’t remember but I do remember am mad at you”
He: “Huh?”
She:”Wait!!I remember now. You said am boring!!!”
He: “I said what!!!!”
She: “Yes!!! You did. You said am boring and then u took off ur mask and u became Cameron Diaz”
He :( Speechless)…
She: “Ok. So there is a chance that this was in a dream.”

And the hubby laughs again.Now I tell u I was not mad cos of any dream. I knew I was mad at him .If only I cud remember what he said. I know he made some unlucky remark which really was not as bad as I made it out to be but at the time it seemed pretty unfair. Some household stuff. Anyway I was not abt to let him off the hook and decided to give him something to think abt.

Me: “Huh!!You think that’s funny, do u? Well, I’ll tell u how annoying it is. I make the bed and ten minutes later u lie down. I make it again and exactly ten minutes later u lie down again. And u never make the bed.”
Hubby: “Ok.What else?”
Me: “I clean the kitchen. You make the next meal and then the kitchen looks like a cyclone hit it. You never clean. For u, all that matters is food. Not a clean house. I clean it up and u mess it up and when ppl come they probably think the house is a mess cos I don’t clean it. And cos am so tired, I cook something quick and ppl think u don’t get fed at all. It’s always my fault.Men!!!Huh! You are all the same. All u want to do is to eat!”
Hubby: “OK, then?”
Me :( paused) “Well, there is lots more but I can’t remember”
Hubby:”Chuckle”
Me: ”Huh!! Well, u never do the laundry until I tell u.When I fold the clothes up,u pull out one shirt and mess up the entire shelf. Why can’t u take it out neatly without messing up the entire cupboard?”
Hubby: “Ok.What else?”
Me :( paused) “Well, there is lots more but I can’t remember” (uh-oh...This is tougher than I thought)
Hubby waits patiently.

Me: “Well, that’s all I can remember right now. Anyway that’s not the point. The point is that u men are all the same. None of u help out when we need the help and then u help out when we don’t need the help (huh?). And then u blame us for everything. When I was single I wud clean the house and then if I was too tired to cook, I wud eat a stick of carrot and drink a glass of milk and call it dinner. But u men invariably want a proper cooked dinner and we have to cook it for ur sake irrespective of how tired we are. Why cant u drink milk and eat a carrot? It’s healthy too. Had it been a woman in ur place she wud have cheerfully settled for a carrot. But not u stupid men….U all are the same. No wonder today no woman wants to marry a man. No wonder more and more women are becoming lesbians. Men are driving women into becoming lesbians cos they don’t help in keeping the house clean and still want cooked food…..Huh!”

I was just getting properly worked up and into top gear but then the hubby is rolling with laughter .And then he says “Bebu,u really must put that in ur blog” and hoots with laughter.
Ahem! Not exactly what I expected. Sigh! Next time I think I’ll stick to being reasonable. It’s a lot easier.