Why Indians marry just once in a lifetime

Now I don’t want to make it sound as though all Indians marry just once in their lifetime and live happily ever after.It sounds like hitting the jackpot every time u play roulette which is simply not possible.There has begun a sorry trend of divorces in India and while most people cite several reasons as to why they want out,the thought itself is fearsome.I bet in twenty years time divorces in India will become more frequent and mostly amongst the 20-30 age group.But am digressing from the real topic which was not to deliver scary predictions of the divorce rate in India in some X year.

Got married just ten days ago.While the experience was part fun and part fury,it was a jumble of events,people,music,cameras,clothes and of course,intense beauty treatments.Now,beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and there are some people whom no matter what the beautician does,can at the best be only turned from an ugly duckling to a duck (nature’s order of things)rather than a graceful swan (Fat chance!).

Anyway,I had been tweezed,squeezed,waxed,plucked at,had my skin ripped,rubbed,burnt and bleached.One lady even took before/after pictures of her handiwork on me. I do hope it brings her more clients. My cusins, my hubby and just abt everyone seemed happy with the final product. All that is except my poor parents who probably felt their swan had turned into a duckling(All children are gorgeous in the eyes of their parents).My mother went so far as to suggest that I go back to my wild plumy self after marriage which is not gonna happen if my hubby has anything to say abt it.His frequent complaint was that no one seemed to do anything beyond a haircut and a face bleach in terms of beautifying him which I rewarded with a look(read dirty).

But more than anything the top reason why Indians marry only once in a lifetime is the crippling expense.I have already decided that my kids will have to elope cos am not gonna be able to afford their marriage if I intend to eat atleast 2 meals a day.The horrifying expenditure of an Indian marriage ,even if it is a simple affair is enuf to make one feel guilty at being born. I told my parents umpteen times that it wud be less expensive if we both just ran away .After all they had agreed to the marriage. But for some reason they had to have it in a proper khandhani rivaaz.Read expensive hall with expensive decorations I hardly noticed during the do,me decked out in jewellery most of which were handed down by my mom which she had worn probably once in all these years if at all and which I wud probably wear just once in a lifetime if at all.Thankfully my parents, unlike most ,abhor weighing down their daughter with chunks of gold contrary to the social trends though my dad was tempted to buy jewellery as though he was buying potatoes. But then that weakness stemmed from his long held belief that his daughter is some kinda fragile princess in a tower who does nothing but comb her long tresses all day long.Alas, he picked the wrong specimen from the basket God held out and he was stuck with a daughter who cant sit still for more than 5 min,still climbs trees,works and sleeps odd hours,stubbornly refuses to keep a maid believing no maid can match her in cleaning her house and the only time the tresses are combed are when orphan bee tries to find his way inside what he mistakenly thinks is a beehive.

The never ending list of invitees which only seemed to grow and not reduce as the D-day drew closer ,the umpteen cries of dismay by anyone who saw a pimple on my face(that’s right,I did not see it cos I did not spend more than a minute in front of the mirror and some days,not even that)The long hours of sitting still with mehandi on my hands and feet(7 hrs and I cud not even use the bathroom) vs the family feeding me lunch.My dad fed me lunch for the first time I can remember in years.My brother fed me 2 cups of semiya payasam and my cousin took over from him at the third cup.I never realized that semiya payasam always tastes nicer if you have someone else spooning it into your mouth.My 63 year old uncle brought me a cup of water and held it for me to drink from.Boy! oh boy!!

What an experience…!!!!!Touching everyone’s feet during the blessing ceremony(including my cousin who is just 9 months older to me! Ha!It probably is gonna be the most cherished moment of her life),commenting furiously during every video shoot,keeping everyone in splits with self deprecatory comments,meeting people whom I have not seen in a long while and some whom I had never met but heard of(Radhika aunty and my cusin Harsha, who had never met me, came for the wedding and was I touched!!) and even more people I did not know existed.Sounds exhausting? Yes , it is…but its also exhilarating….The maddening videographer and photographer ,who keep encouraging you to smile when all u feel like doing is turning your back on them and doing a bumshake, do take the prize for being the most patient human beings I have met in my life.Remarkable!!

If you are Indian then the sheer energy,time and money spent on your marriage is enuf to sustain you thru it for nearly 50 years ….cos most likely you are broke and really cant afford to get married a second time!!!