Today(For lack of a better title)

Last week,the climate was perfect and for no darned reason,I found myself waking up one nice bright morning with a sore throat.I immediately treated it with a salt water gargle.But in spite of the gargle,by midday I found myself feeling feverish and my voice disappeared rather rapidly leaving me resembling a gaping gold fish.The sniffles weren’t far behind and before I knew it ,the rhinovirus was threatening to wreak havoc on my sinuses and bronchial tubes.Hah!!But I wasn’t abt to give up so easily and bombarded it with horrible concoctions of garlic,ginger,pepper,mint leaves and lemon( and I must admit the witch’s brew has kinda grown on me) and a few scalding sessions of gargling with salt water.I diligently fed myself capsules of Vitamin C to keep the immune system up and buzzing.It took a good 3 days. I worked from home for 2 out of those 3 days in spite of the boss’s protests.(He had to make a choice between me working alone from home or me and the virus working together at office.)But the witch’s brew,it worked..And the rhinovirus was booted right out.And as a bonus I got in some good amount of crafting in the time which wud otherwise have been spent in office staring at the system waiting for some loser to send me some work.Advantages of working from home,u see.

Today I walked in the rain.Or lets put it this way.I got out of a nice hot bath to find that it had started raining and I was left with the dreary prospect of walking in the rain,reaching office all wet and cold and then having to spend a long day at office ending with sniffles and a fever.Considering I had just abt managed to chase away that rhinovirus which came around knocking last week ,I was in no mood for another bout.I dressed,pondered the idea of looking thru my suitcases to find that umbrella which am not sure if I left in India on my last trip there,gave it up as a waste of time and energy,pulled on a ski cap and a fleece jacket and walked out.I stood for a second at the threshold and wondered for an instant if I shud ring up the boss and ask to work from home.But then the thought of that nice-but-at times-tiresome man giving me that same monologue abt how the Directors of the company don’t like anyone to work from home was enuf to scrap the thot.Yeah. Right.As if any director is even gonna realize that poor me is missing from my seat.
But then as I stood looking at the miserable climate,there came a wicked thot…So I walk in the rain…So I fall sick….So I end up working from home…So the boss complains…So…maybe…just maybe they’ll send me back home…And I grinned gleefully as I trotted out into the rain,stood for 20 min under a dripping tree which started out as a dry spot but started getting wetter and wetter as I waited for the bus, trotted all the way to office and nodded happily at everyone who asked me “Got drenched?”.
And now here I am a good 5 hrs later.Dry as a bone.Not even the sniff of a sniffle…and the darned rhinovirus is nowhere to be seen when needed…God does have a sense of humour!
But truth be told,once I got over the worry of falling sick,I rather enjoyed the trot in rain. :-)

Broken toys

As children bring their broken toys, with tears, for me to mendI brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone I hung around and tried to help . . . with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, "How can You be so slow?""My child," He said. "What could I do? You never did let go."

Beautiful,isnt it?
I have a lot of broken toys right now...A dear dear friend in the hospital after an accident...a lovely lady mad at me....a dream which threatens to vanishwith a puff....and a tired spirit...I dont know how to fix them all ..But am tired...and I cant fix things anymore....I just want to sleep...Maybe I shud just let go.Like an old lady said "When you feel you cant go on anymore,you just let go and let the angel carry your troubles awhile.It will be ok".

A silver thread in a black cloud

Yday morning ,my mind already far ahead in office listing out the things I had to finish,I finished plaiting my hair and swung the plait to my back when suddenly a suspicious glint caught my eye.I pulled the plait to the front again and examined it with suspicious eyes…and there,right below my nose…it was…that silver hair nestled in midst of all that black.Sigh.My first instinct was to untie the plait,pluck the glinting strand off and do up my hair again but honestly if I was serious abt getting to office anytime before lunch I had to get a move on.
I am getting old.I mean there was a time when I wud surreptiously pluck out that single white strand which insisted on growing right at the top of my head,standing straight up and waving abt like a lone daisy in a field.Yeah!Some daisy.My first grey hair turned up at that same spot abt 2 yrs ago when I had just reached US and my mom promptly decided to go in for surgery,ended up in ICU and scared the living daylights out of me.I was 25 then.Only 25 and a grey hair right at the top of my head!!!Really...am telling u,its those naughty parents of mine.They like to give me a missed call at odd hrs once in a while just to have me hopping around in panic.Sometimes I think its their way of getting back at me cos I left them to go to the US.Though I dont see what they have to complain considering I fled the country to escape marriage and then fell in love and ultimately did get married.My parents keep telling me that am responsible for the several grey strands in their respective once black heads.But I bet I didn’t give them any until they were well past 35.That is a good age to start looking dignified.
I still remember the panic I felt when I found it sticking up there and carefully plucked it out.And then some days later it turned up there again…I must have plucked it out 2-3 times in the past 2 years.But this latest silver thread in the black cloud turned up in a new spot.And I’ll admit am fighting a losing battle.I’m resigned to possibility if having my 5 year old(if and when I have one) refuse to call me Mama and insist on calling me Grammy.Great…Well.As long as Anup doesn’t call me Anu Aunty when I reach India

Am not pregnant but....

Oooooooh!!!I have a secret…and am dying to tell u folks abt it..In fact am dying to scream it aloud from the tallest rooftop I can find or a tree if I can climb it without stopping every five minutes to clap my hands…but I cant cos I have sworn that I will keep it a secret for another 3 days…Oh dear dear dear lord..How am I gonna keep it inside without it leaking out….Now don’t get me wrong…am not one of those females who cant keep a secret even to save their lives…In fact am pretty good at keeping secrets but this one is such a happy one that I simply cant contain myself…I feel like I have drunk a bottle of bubble bath liquid and the bubbles keep threatening to come out of my nose and ears and mouth and am having a tuf time keeping it all in…..oooooooooh….am soooooo happy,ppl..but I just cant tell…am sworn to silence for the next 3 days…oh dear dear dear lord…I cud dance for joy…have been sitting for the last one hr grinning at the screen until my cheeks have started aching…and when I walk,I keep finding myself hopping and skipping for joy in spite of the poor knees..and when I went to the restroom and looked at the mirror…..ooooh….I cudnt help but grin at myself and clap my hands to let out some of the happiness that threatened to make me burst..and um…and then in walked the director of the client company..and um…there was an awkward silence…while she stood staring in the mirror at the reflection of a girl who was frozen in mid grin with hands clasped under her chin …um….but even that cudnt quench the bubbles…but then am babbling…But seriously ,ladies and gentlemen…lets break out the champagne and dance with abandon cos am the happiest woman on earth…..If u happen to see a squirrel staggering abt with a champagne bottle,trying to do a jig, do stop to say helloooo,Anu….Oh I wish I cud tell u…ok…just 3 days and then I shall spill the beanies…I promise…
Next bean on the list,its my first wedding anniversary…um…Anup’s too…he he..and we both are celebrating it in solitude sitting on opposite sides of the globe.I know…U can congratulate me and extend ur heartfelt condolences…And though I keep telling everyone that there will be more anniversaries,I must confess that the first one is rather special and comes just once in a lifetime..and am missing out on one of the once in a lifetime events…but really am so happy that it really doesn’t matter…Though I wish Anup was happier....But considering that we wont be together for the valentines day and our birthdays as well,its no wonder he isnt too happy…sigh..But that’s ok…the squirrel is still doing a tap dance and belting out “If u’r happy and u know it clap ur hands, if u’r happy and u know it and u really want to show it,if u’r happy and u know it clap ur hands…clap clap clap”.

Its strange how u want something very badly and then when suddenly u are faced with the probability that u may not get it but a loved one may,u wud rather that ur loved one got it than u.Ok..so u may have to read that twice.But really,it never ceases to amaze me how much more happier I am when someone I love gets that very thing which I wanted so badly… I wudnt be half as happy if I had got it myself…chuckle…crazy thing but I guess its one of life’s greatest blessings…Am blessed to have parents,a bro and a DH I wud give up the world for.Love u,ppl..U are the bestestest of the bunch.

Got lots of work..so got to go..and before I go,I have a feeling I ought to explain the title…Its just that every time a married woman says she has a secret or she is extremely happy or every time she is sick ,ppl jump to the conclusion that she is pregnant.And I most certainly am not.

Of runaway husbands,desolate squirrels and British accents

In order to forget that that tall looming figure I had got used to
seeing lurking around the house,who turned out to be
reassuring when I had doubts abt my creations or the better
of my crazy ideas and more so put up with me,ragged me,
teased me and drove me up the wall at times has really finally
left me.He has finally run away from me and fled the country...
swearing never to step foot on this land again..
Ok.So thats an exaggeration.He has gone back to India cos
his visa expired and I will be joining him....well..hopefully
sometime soon...which is God knows when...which is ..sigh...
I dont know what...However,he will be waiting for me in India
like Romeo waited for Juliet...um...actually I dont think he will
be hanging around like Romeo did...Really..I mean Romeo
honestly was quite jobless if u think abt it except to sing
ballads and serenade and kind of swagger around below
Juliet's balconey beating his chest.Really...What woman
wants a man who wanders abt beating his chest????....
Really..am sure Juliet wud have rather had him do
something worthwhile even as he loved her...u know what
I mean?But then am digressing from the topic and maybe
making Shakey spin in his grave..So lets leave that and
come back to my life.(Yeah..I know..But this happens to be
my blog and if I want to write abt my life I very much shall
including the minutest details of how I ...err...scratch my
back..and if u dont want to read it...well..trust me,u dont
know what u will be missing.Poor u)...

Anyway coming back to sending DH off,well,I managed
not to make an idiot of myself;read I did not cry before
or after his going,smiled rather bravely and sounded
quite normal...Now all I have to do is put up with another
day of every single soul asking me "Anup left?" when
they very well know he did,that he wud not have missed an
international flight to stay with me,that even if he wud have
he cudnt cos his visa had expired.But since all those
souls mean it kindly and really are showing their
concern for my sudden single status,it wud be mean of me
to snap at them and say "Nah,he is sitting right behind u".
Dontcha think?
Its really not as bad as I thot it wud be.Well..as long as
I dont dwell on it..Its just the first 4 days..U know.All I have
to do is to keep it all in,not think and keep distracting my thots
which honestly is quite irritating..I mean its like u are talking
to urself abt something and then u interrupt urself...if that made
any sense.I havent been able to do any crafting cos ..well..cos
my heart is just not in it..and u really cant put ur focus into ur
fingers if ,u know,u are subconsciously waiting for someone to
walk in the door.I keep finding myself thinking he will walk in
any minute and that I havent got dinner heated up...So I read
a book...and I was fine except that when I put down the book,
I was back to figuring out some new dinner recipe with the
ingredients on hand ,quite forgetting that my guinea pig is
no longer here..and really,its no fun cooking new stuff if u
dont have anyone to eat it up ..other than ur self...Well,I'll admit
it,shall I? Am walking around like a desolate squirrel that lost
its winter store of nuts...

Today morning I happened to be standing on the road gabbing
away with a friend in Tamil when an old gentleman passed us,
stopped,turned round and asked me "What language
are u speaking?".I replied without thinking "Thamizh"...
He said "What?"..and I provided the anglicized version."Tamil".
A wrinkled brow prompted me to try "T-A-M-I-L.Its an Indian
language".And then he got it."Taumil?".and asked "But its not
the only language in India,is it?" And I replied negative.
"How many languages do u have in India?"came the next
question.Honestly,dude,I wudnt know the answer in normal
circumstances but to ask me,a desolate squirrel at that,is
next to trying to make ice cream in an oven at 425 degrees.
Hopeless.The man must have sensed something of my
feelings cos he asked "South Africa has 294 languages.
Do u have that many?".He really was a nice old man and
so I again replied negative.And then he continued "But you
Indians speak such beautiful British English,not like ours...
U have such a beautiful British accent."and finished with
an eloquent gesture. At this point all readers are asked
to picture a squirrel gaping at an old man and saying "I do?"
And the old man tells the squirrel "Yes,u do have a beautiful
british accent."Now the squirrel says"Well,I didnt realise
that I had a British accent" and considers telling the old
man that it maybe cos India was once under the British Rule
and that must be where the accent came from but then even
a desolate squirrel with lost nuts must have some remnant
of brain function left,cos I didnt say anything.Mostly cos I
really cudnt think up a plausible explanation as to why I had
a British accent even though the British left before my mom
was born...Really...Unless I came up with something quite
creative like the lil guy in Slumdog Millionaire did..
That Shah Jahan built Taj Mahal in the memory of his wife
Mumtaz who died in a car accident.

The last post of the year!!!

There is a poem that I first read when I was in college and fell in love with..I cud relate to some of the lines in it but not all though I knew it was true thru and thru.There was a time when reading some of my favourite poems cud soothe me and bring back a sense of calm.Today as I was trying to put into words what I learnt in the last one year, for some reason I remembered that poem and when I read it again,it was exactly what I had learnt in the past year.

I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.


I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.


I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones withloving words.
It may be the last time you see them.


I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.


I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.


I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.


I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.


I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.


I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.


I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned
that heroes are the people who do
what has to be done
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.


I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.


I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.


I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.


I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.


I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.


I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.


I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.


I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe

That’s what I have learnt. All through this roller coaster of a year.I don’t know if I wud have changed anything I said or did thru the year.In fact even if I knew ,I don’t know how I wud have changed it

There is something magical abt the beginning of a new year.Overnight ur yesterday seems far away,a year behind.Overnight memories seem rosier and the bitter parts soften to just being rough bumps on a generally happy road.Just when I thought am too old for the fizz and pop of a New year’s beginning,past the age of earnestly thinking up resolutions which 9 on 10 are never followed thru, I get caught up and find myself writing this post.So here’s a postie toast to the fast vanishing 2008 and 2009 looming ahead.

A friend asked me to describe 2008 and he was more amused than me when I said the first thing that popped into my mind.Hurricane.Call it the influence of too many natural catastrophes in US.But the only other word I cud come up with was Earthquake.Coming back to my hurricane ,I guess I have been buffeted abt relentlessly through ups and downs thru this year.Just when I thot that I was in the clear,I wud be pulled back into storm,tossed from one side to another,battered and bruised and then thrown to one side.I normally am a pretty balanced cheerful soul who rarely got Monday blues or any other blues for that matter,but this year saw a record number of mood swings with one very confused frustrated soul who spent more time growling like a bear with a sore head than I can ever remember.Really.More often than not ,I went from being “I-am-capable” to “I-cant-handle-this”.It was suffocating at times and frustrating at others.From being a happy-go-lucky soul,I swung dangerously close to becoming a control freak.I kept watching for things to go wrong.From being a die hard optimist,I found myself trapped several times in the narrow outlook of a pessimist.My belief in people took a beating.More so my belief in me.Its been a tuf year.But I like to think of it as God’s way of tempering me.
I don’t mean to say that the year has been a bad one.There have been beautiful moments,funny ones and weird ones.After years of believing that I wudnt find a man who cud tolerate me enuf to live with me and that I wudnt tolerate anything less,I married Anup who has managed to survive almost a year with me (20 days to our first anniversary)and doesn’t look like is gonna give up any time soon.My little bro graduated,got the 4th rank in the University(I hate being a nag,Bunny,but really,I wudnt have minded if u had got that Gold medal.In fact I wud have settled for the silver one too.Well…atleast piggyhoolear didn’t get it though that really is no consolation,mind u) and is working in a God forsaken place far away from home.Really!!!Surat is really too far away from home.When someone delicately pointed out that am in US of A which is technically half way across the globe from home,I snapped at him “That’s not the point.He is too small (just over 6 feet) to stay so far from home.” I fell in love with half a dozen crafts and spent the better part of the year wishing for Santa to bring me 6 pairs of hands so that I cud spend time on my “crafty”.I fell in love with cooking .Really,mama,stop laughing.I shall confess that I totally love cooking and trying out new dishes,especially now that I have my personal guinea pig.(yeah.I mean the DH.Who else?)I became friends with a lovely girl across the globe and really Revs,Mujhe tujhme rab dikhta hai.(Don’t forget ki tune Mamta Kulkarni ki kasam khai hai.Chuckle!).I saw my first snow and experienced my first earthquake.For the first time in my life I gained some weight that has stuck with me.And for the first time in my life I have consciously tried to eat healthy.I have learned that 8 hrs at work is more than enuf and that the boss wont have a heart attack if I say no.That even if he does,it doesn’t matter cos working more than 8 hrs at the pace I do wud be enuf to give me a heart attack and kill me by the time I reach my boss’s age.I have managed to have painted toenails all thru the year.:-) And I also figured out a way to sit in a certain way so that I can see them when I paint them and don’t topple over.Owing to the dry dry dry climate ,I have spent more time this year looking after myself than I have all my life.

Its not been good all thru.I saw sides of people I wud rather not have, been blamed for things Idid not do,been judged by people who barely know me,been stretched beyond my limits ,made some really tuf choices and in general had a lot of mud slung on me.I have stumbled,fallen,crawled and staggered this entire year.I have been shocked,outraged,hurt and struggled with myself.I have learnt that I cannot brush off some people simply cos I want to.There were times when I lost my sense of humour for days together…I learnt a lot of things which in hindsight seem to have brought more definite sense of what or who I am.The good part of all that is that I have not broken. But the credit for that goes to people I love most in my life .
But now,am ready to move on.I wont be leaving all that happened in the last one year behind.I will be carrying some of it with me.Some of the things that I learnt…Some of the things that I realized….
This New year brings with it a lot more changes .We will be going back to India.I don’t pray that life be peaceful. I just pray that I keep a firm hold on my sense of humour. And as for my resolutions,I want to keep up with my crafting and make sure that I don’t spend more than 8 hrs at work…Like one lady said “I go to office so that I don’t have to spend all my time staring at the 4 walls of my house.I work cos I love dressing in nice clothes and meeting people and talking to them.I do what I can in those 8 hrs.If someone says something abt that being less,well,I cant help it”. I want to keep it all simple the way I did before…Not let anyone or anything clutter my life.I need to focus on what is important to me and do what feels right to me irrespective of what anyone thinks. I don’t need everyone to like me and if someone doesn’t that does not make me a bad person.I shud not let someone’s opinion of me matter so much that it clouds my perspective.I believe that at heart I am a decent human being.I don’t know if I am a good daughter,sister or wife.But I know that I have tried my best and that will suffice for me.And if nothing else,I know I have made my loved ones happy thru one small deed or the other.And that is enuf to keep me going.That and that alone is my talisman for the new year.

Am ashamed but I’ll admit...

2 mails from 2 different friends in the past 2 days.One an Indian and one an American.They both have something in common.I have not met either of them.I know them only thru the mails I exchange with them.Even more common,is that they both mentioned the Mumbai terrorist attacks.My Indian friend, reacted the way any Indian wud,with anger and fury.While my American friend ,who is an army veteran sent me a very unexpected mail.

//Hi, Anu,

I've been thinking of you a lot these past days.

I can't tell you how sorry I am, how guilty I feel, and what kind of depressing days I went through during the horrible, senseless event in Mumbai.

Just can't help shaking the guilt, the US and the allies have a LOT to do with the Muslim rage, and, unfortunately, many innocent Indians paid with their lives ...

Can't even tell you, how sorry I feel, how depressed I was for days, and I don't even know, what could be done for the grieving families. I don't even know, if humans can do anything about this, this is all in God's hands now.

I was just sitting in front of the TV, watching the events take place, just switching between CNN and the FOX news channel, and the reports coming through these two from Indian TV. //

I was shocked.I was really shocked by his mail.In all these days I am yet to see one article,one news channel or even one blog blame America for the carnage.It had not even occurred to me to even relate US to the terror attacks in India.And I was stunned by the sadness of this man I had never met.I don’t claim that Americans are better than most or that they don’t have their own “strategies”.The point is not if America is to blame or not.But how many Indians wud think to take the blame on ourselves?How many of us feel guilty for what happened in our country?We are all angry.Oh yeah…we are united on that atleast.We are quick to blame.We blame Pakistan.We blame muslims.We start riots and kill our own countrymen just for being Muslim by religion.We blame the politicians and blame the country’s intelligence.Oh yeah…and we blame God.We dont even let poor God out of this.We blame everybody.We are good at that.Its everybody’s fault but not ours.

We play the blame game by writing blogs,letters to the editor ,send messages to the news channels and trust me,all this bullshit serves no purpose but to calm ur own conscience.To not think and to not see the obvious.To convince ourselves that we have done our part.I must have read umpteen blogs and articles all belting the same tune.Its the government,the terrorist,the security,Pakistan everybody but us.Everybody but the common man.Do u expect me to believe that there was no one inside the country who helped those terrorists?Such a large scale operation was carried out without inside information?That the maniacs got a layout of those huge mammoth hotels without inside help?That no citizen had an inkling of this?Or rather no person who is an Indian by birth knew abt this?Of course,they did.To call that person a citizen wud be to degrade all those officers who died in that carnage,the army men who died in the kargil war and many other long forgotten heroes.Why blame Pakistan or the terrorists?Why send lists of terrorists to Pakistan government when within our own country live men and women who wud help the terrorists without a twinge of conscience?Do we have lists of those people?Everything in our country is on sale.Everything.Its just a matter of the highest price that can be offered.

You can tell me that its poverty that drives these people to commit such heinous acts of treason.Is it?Really?Whom are we fooling?And even if it is,is that even an excuse?Why shud we shut these terrorists in jails?So that some more of them can walk into our country ,kill some more people and demand that we set the captured terrorists free?Why,for that matter shud we shut anyone in jail who is convicted of committing murder,rape or any other act of physical violence in a jail? Why keep them alive?Why shud an entire nation of people pay up a part of their hard earned money as taxes just to feed these losers in the jail?For the sake of human rights? What happened to the rights of their victims?It doesn’t matter cos they are dead and we care more abt the living?And what abt the rights of any future victims?That doesn’t count either,does it?

The politicians are to be blamed.Who put them there?We don’t choose the best political party to become our government .We choose better one of all the evils.And then we blame them.Gah!!!In India ,anyone who is 18 years and above is eligible to vote.I am 26 years old and I don’t even have a voters ID.I have simply not bothered to vote. I was too busy getting an education and a career. Besides ,who is going to stand in the sun for hrs to cast a silly vote when its not going to make a difference? I will tell u why I have not voted. All the political parties that exist in India have come into power one time or the other and has anything changed?Oh yeah.So we built Nuclear weapons under one Government and set up Chandrayaan under another but we still have not managed to prevent terrorists from attacking our country. That’s one task which no government seems manages to accomplish.isnt it?But we still always manage to have a government that eats away at the hard earned money of the masses and which scrambles around with explanations for the angry upset people when something like the Mumbai attack happens.Thats one thing which all the governments have in common even though they are different in that Vajpayee is an old doddering gentleman and Sonia Gandhi is a snooty nosed diva. Wow!These days we don’t even blink when we read abt corruption charges against any politician or official.We have got used to it. In the book Maximum City (by Suketu Mehta) an election candidate ,when asked why she does not visit the posh localities of Mumbai for canvassing, replies cheerfully, “The rich don’t come down from their apartments to vote”.Only the people from the slums vote.And I suspect its not just the rich who don’t vote.I bet that it’s the educated people who don’t vote.Cos we read enuf news in the papers to believe that our one vote will not matter.So either u don’t vote or u choose the party which seems to be less corrupt of the bunch.Yeah.That is a logical solution ,isnt it?I don’t vote cos when we find out that the Government we have is a terrible one,I can say that I did not put them there.Yeah dudes,its not my fault at all but its ur fault if u voted for them.U are to be blamed for being dumb enuf to stand for hrs in the line to vote for that party.As for me,well,see,am smart enuf to realize that either way its not gonna matter and I may as well save myself the trouble.

And am no better than those people who helped those terrorists get in cos I did not do my part to keep my country safe.I did not take up the responsibility to do what I cud have done.I preferred not to care.My mom sent me a forward last week.

// Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969 act, in section "49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey to the presiding election officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!

Yes such a feature is available, but obviously these seemingly notorious leaders have never disclosed it. This is called "49-O".

Why should you go and say "I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received "49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had already expressed their decision on them. This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates for their parties for election. This would change the way, of our whole political system... it is seemingly surprising why the election commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....

Please spread this news to as many as you know... Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India... show your power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more powerful than voting... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote not to vote (vote 49-O) and pass this info on...

"Please forward this mail to as many as possible, so that we, the people of India , can really use this power to save our nation". Use your voting right for a better INDIA . //

No.I did not know .But it’s not because notorious leaders hid this from me or because nobody forwarded it to me for the last 8 years. Its cos I did not care enuf to look up if there was any such option which I cud use to act responsibly for my country. It wud have taken me ten minutes of reading on the internet to find this.And I have not even thought to do so.I have spent countless hours on the internet but not a minute to look this up. Its because of people like me that the India I love has gone to the dogs.Its my fault. Though it may not seem so, I love my country with a passion and truly believe in the culture and tradition that is so much a part of India.In the past 18 months that I have lived in US,there has not been a day when I stepped out of home without sporting a bindi on my forehead, worn a bright colourful Salwar Kameez without relishing the fact that it marked me as an Indian and nodded my head in pride when someone asked me if I was an Indian.I have taken care so that I do not spoil the name of my country in anyway by my acts or behaviour. There has never been a time when I heard the term NRI being used as the derogatory abbreviation for a Non Reliable Indian by smug resident Indians and not cringed. But I was a non reliable Indian when I lived in India cos I never acted responsibly for my country when nothing more was required of me but vote. I did not choose to do it as I am sure many other reliable resident Indians have not. Am I the future of India??????

Talking abt the future of India takes me back a couple of years to a Diwali which I spent with my parents in Bangalore. We were at a shop and my brother was trying on clothes in the fitting room.I was sitting in the crowded shop on a stool and talking to one cute little boy who must have been no more than 4 yrs old.The kid was so cute that there were total strangers around us smiling at the sight of a tall female squatting on a low stool so that she cud be the same height as the 4 year old. He was well dressed in expensive clothes and spoke English fluently. After wishing me a happy diwali,the second thing the child asked me was “Are u a Muslim?” .I was shocked that a 4 year old wud ask me,a total stranger,such a question.His parents appeared to be nowhere in sight.I laughed and said I am an Indian.And asked him why he asked me that. I naively thought the child wud answer something abt Diwali being a hindu festival, when the little horror proclaimed loudly “Muslims are dirty.”. Its one of the few occasions in my life when I have been frozen with shock. All of a sudden I realized that nearly half of the people who had been smiling at the picture we made were muslims.My first instinct was fear as I half expected someone to come up with a sword and swipe the kid’s head off right in front of my eyes.With shock and sadness I glanced at the muslim man’s back whose smiling eye I had caught a couple of min back.I wondered if he had heard and I hoped fervently he hadn’t not out of fear but out of worry that one more muslim wud feel like an outsider in his own country.I shushed the little boy weakly , swallowed hard and said in a firm voice that we are all Indians and that he shud never think that way while he continued “My mom says they don’t bathe”..I struggled to explain that there was nothing dirty abt muslims without telling the kid that his mom was the dirty one for teaching her 4 year old such stuff.It maybe just an excuse to get her kid to bathe but honestly do u have to bring religion into that? That was the first time I got a sense of what caused all the communal riots in India.I wondered what they taught him in school. When I was his age,I was taught that all Indians are my brothers and sisters.His smiling mom came up 5 minutes later and wished me happy diwali and left the shop with the boy.I wondered if she asked him what my religion was.I wondered if the little boy asked his little classmates the same question before sharing his midday snack with them.So that is what the future of India looks like. Who is responsible for that little child’s viewpoint? The politicians? The media? The terrorists? Or his educated parents?

It all comes down to a matter of choice Its not abt whether we are a nuclear power or if we launched Chandrayaan, though I will not deny that I was bloated with pride on both occasions. Its not abt Pakistan or the politicians or the media or the rich or America’s strategy for that matter. My friend’s mail is enuf for me to believe that its not the entire country that is wrong. There are people who abhor violence no matter where it occurs. Here I have met Pakistanis, Russians, Chinese and Bangladeshis who are glad that am Indian cos it makes me their “Neighbour”.Chuckle.It’s not Pakistan’s responsibility to protect our country. Besides, with the state they are in, they can barely protect themselves and solve their internal problems, forget ours. Its abt the choices we make.Some souls like the terrorists and our countrymen who helped them are guilty of choosing crime.Some souls like the little boy’s mom chose to be prejudiced and to pass on the prejudice to her innocent little kid without even considering that if he makes a remark like that in public, it cud cost him his life, forget abt his future.

I have tried not to write this post cos it has been so very painful. I have been depressed abt this for so long.
Maybe its time we stopped the blame game. Maybe its time we started doing something ourselves. My friend said only God can do something abt this. But then God helps those who help themselves. And please,lets quit blaming God.He did not split us up into Hindus ,Muslims,Hindustan or Pakistan and neither did He tell us to get ourselves an excuse of a government.Am ashamed but I’ll admit that am also responsible for the state of my country.